Balance

Work/life balance. Ah, the subject of many articles, discussions, blogs and workshops. But I've never actually read or attended anything on the subject. When I first thought about having children I assumed I would take the 12 months off that we are so lucky to have up here in Canada and then our little yearling would start full time daycare at a large center. That's what working parents do, right?

Imagine my surprise when we actually started trying to make a baby that my thoughts on the subject of work/stay at home mom/daycare would change. Drastically. It suddenly felt so completely unnatural for someone else to have such a huge role in raising OUR child. Couple this with the scarcity of quality childcare in our city and S and I found ourselves in quite a quandry. WE wanted to raise our child. WE wanted to be the most influential figures in our child's life. This wasn't coming from selfishness or arrogance...we just honestly feel like we're the best people to be caring for our child. I still feel that way.

We were fortunate enough that we did indeed care for Baby exclusively for her first 2 years. Now she also attends a wonderful, amazing small (5 kids max.) home childcare 2 days a week, S is home 2 days a week and I'm home 1 day a week. It feels like a really good set up. Our caregiver is truly an amazing woman and we're so, so grateful to have found her.

I do still have fantasies of Baby having a stay at home parent though. I don't feel guilty (anymore) that she is in someone else's care for 2 days a week but I still have niggling deep rooted feelings that I wish one of us could stay home full time.

So, why doesn't one of us stay home? Good question. We (un)fortunately live in one of the most amazing, expensive cities in North America. In fact, I think it is currently THE most expensive. Both of us were born and raised here so it's hard for us to imagine living anywhere else. The cost of us owning a home here requires us both to work. We also both enjoy our jobs and my job in particular is stable, flexible, provides great benefits and it pays well. It just doesn't seem to make sense to give it up. And as I mentioned, for the most part, I really enjoy it. However, having said all that, theoretically we could do the stay at home mom thing with a few modifications to our lifestyle. We could sell our expensive 5 minutes from downtown Vancouver townhouse and buy a bigger house out in the suburbs. This would not only give us more space but one of us (likely S) could stay home full time. I don't know. This is a tough decision for me...for our family...to make.

For now, we're content with our situation. And content feels ok for now.

Update

It's been awhile since I've written here. I've been consumed by some training I've been taking for work (Which has inspired a yet-to-be-written post on life/work balance).

"Do this, Mama!"

Lots of other exciting things going on right now as well. Baby has started potty training herself. I have to admit that we have been SO lazy on initiating anything. We offered it once in awhile and she used it a few times but then we just didn't bother. However, she discovered some underwear in her drawer and loves wearing them so that started a conversation about how she will wear underwear when she's done wearing diapers. She asks to use the potty several times a day now - very consistently in the morning and evening. I feel like if we dedicated a day or two at home to just "get it done" she'd likely be out of diapers. But again, we've been a bit lazy about it so it's going at a slower pace. I anticipate she'll be diaper free by the end of the summer though. This seems like a HUGE milestone and the end of a big part of us caring for her physical needs!

She is continuing to blow us away with her drawing skills. Her drawings get more and more detailed. Her people now have pupils, fingers, hairstyles...it's fascinating to watch. She has known the alphabet for a long time and can count to 20 with no problem. She can even spell her name now and recognize the letters. I don't want to focus too much on "academic achievement" but at the same time I want to pay attention so she's always inspired in whatever she's doing.

She's also transitioned to her own "little bed" 99% of the time. Again, completely her own choice. She still wakes up at least once, usually twice a night but her bed is in our room so we don't have far to go to settle or comfort her. We're thinking we'll move her bed into her own room in the fall or winter if she wants. She's asked a couple times but we're not sure she's actually ready for it.

She has an awesome sense of humour and we all laugh lots together. I laughed a lot with my mom and I cherish having the same thing with my own daughter.

She's also really challenging "the rules" even though we don't really have any rules.Some days everything is a battle - which we try hard not to turn things into. We're very laid back but S pointed out the other day that she feels I'm "on Baby" a lot. I don't like being that person but I'm not sure how to deal with what seems like complete defiance sometimes. I honestly don't know what to do in those moments. No matter how many mama blogs I read I can't figure it out ;) Mostly I think she's just exerting her independence and learning so much every minute of every day.

All these things make her seem so grown up. She's just the sweetest thing and I'm grateful every day that she chose me to be her mama.