Home Alone

S & Baby went off to their first Music Together class today. S has been looking forward to this day since before Baby was even conceived! I hope they have fun together. S works so hard and such long hours I feel like she's missing out on so much these days. I'm so very grateful for the first 5 months she had off work. And, she's off again in October for a month or so!

So, that leaves me home alone for a few hours (they were going out on an adventure after). So far I've done the dishes, made and drank some Milkmaid Tea (I've never tried it before..good stuff!), put away Baby's toys, put together an Ikea bookshelf for under the stairs and turned the music up really loud. I find I really miss Baby when I'm not with her. I love having time to myself, don't get me wrong. And I know time alone is good for me. I sometimes have panic attacks when I think that I'll never be alone again. Ever. But, here I am alone for at least another couple of hours and I don't know what to do with myself! I should take a long bath (yep, still in my pjs), read a book, lay on the couch and veg out. Realistically though, there are a million things to be done. Chaos is threatening the house again and I find it really stressful to navigate physical chaos when I'm sometimes dealing with the emotional chaos that can come along with long days with a now very mobile baby. I actually like cleaning up and organizing our home. It's just that I can't get ANYTHING done lately. How the heck do people keep their house clean and organized, cook meals and actually eat them when they have children??? I sure can't seem to figure it out. I was in tears twice this week by the evening as I looked around the house in despair. Just 5 minutes I keep saying to myself, all I need is 5 minutes!

*sigh*

Then I remember that Baby will only be small once in her life. This is it. It's a one shot, one way ticket. And I don't want to miss a thing. So, the house can wait and I'll eat healthy later.

Random Thoughts

• Baby looks good in brown, like me, I guess.
• It's hard to fight off a cold while nursing a baby all night.
• I now pick where to eat out by how baby friendly the place is (good high chair, etc.).
• Living downtown is losing it's appeal for me (I'm not quite ready to pack up and move to the suburbs though).
• I wonder if I'll enjoy going back to work next year.
• I wish my mom could have met Baby.

Time Out

I spent some time on my own this past weekend. I went for a hair cut which is always exciting for me. I got it cut very short. Short, but not boy-ish. That's what I asked Layne, my friend and hair cutter, to do. He delivered and it's super cute and super easy. Perfect!

I then went off to a sewing class at Spool of Thread. I googled "how to set up a sewing club" a couple of weeks ago and came across the Spool of Thread website. It is only about 15 minutes (drive) from our house and is very funky, bright and fun. They have been open for 3 months or so and it would appear that business is booming. I had a GREAT time. I made a reversible tote bag. It turned out really well and I love that I actually made something so "finished" looking. I'm already planning on signing up for another class.

Guess what everyone is getting for gifts in the next year?!

So Fast

Baby pulled herself up to standing on her own this weekend. She also started taking a step while pulling herself up on this little wooden block wagon thingy. It feels like she's just suddenly going so fast. It's very exciting and I love watching her be successful at all she's trying but I am slightly sad too. I feel like she's growing up so fast. I feel like she's already not my baby anymore!

As she grows and gains more and more independence, I hope I'm able to balance my feelings of wanting to protect her with wanting her to succeed on her own. I want her to be brave and confident but also be careful and approach things with wisdom. I think confidence can come from different places. I was very confident growing up. I felt like I could do anything I put my mind to (for the most part). I was quite successful at most things I tried. However, I think my confidence came from determination and trying to "prove something" and a little from fear. I sometimes wonder if my confidence as a child was actually a way of trying to hide my fear. Like maybe I tried extra hard to be tough or good so I could prove that nothing was wrong or scary.

I would like Baby's confidence to come from security and love. I want her to know that I'm always here for her and that she can express herself and be heard always. And she doesn't have to be afraid. More than anything, I don't want her to do anything out of fear. I believe I can create this environment for her. I hope I can.