A belated Happy Mother's Day

I can't believe it's been 10 years since I said Happy Mother's Day for the last time to my mom.

10 years!?!

How the hell did that happen? I still find it almost unbelievable that she's gone...let alone gone for 10 years. I remember the last Mother's Day we spent together. She was sick but not bed-ridden sick yet. We went out for lunch and to Ikea. That might sound strange but it was something we liked to do together so it was a perfect day. I wanted to buy her a new bookshelf for her office. She wouldn't let me, saying something along the lines of "well, I'm not sure I need it." We both knew what she meant but neither of us wanted to say anything out loud. We both still had hope then.

I miss my mom pretty much every day. Really, really miss her. Sometimes I will cry out for her when I'm sad or hurting. I feel very young and vulnerable in those moments...like someone's baby. But one thing I've gotten used to about having 2 parents die way too young is that I'm not anyone's baby and haven't been for quite some time. Which makes me feel incredibly sorry for myself.

But mostly I feel bad that she got ripped off. She didn't get to become a "senior citizen". She didn't get to grow old. She didn't get to see me become a mother.

Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you.

Our little van gogh

Mama, Me, Mommy - "I is jumping"

S and I received our first homemade Mother's Day card from Baby (the writing wasn't done by her)! We have been shocked lately by how well Baby's drawing is developing. The first drawing of people she brought home a couple of months ago I threw in the recycle bin thinking that it was mistakenly sent home with her (really?! she drew that?!). A couple of days later I realized she was drawing these people whenever she had an opportunity. We have never taught her to draw anything, we've never shown her how to hold a pencil or felt and we've never directed her to draw. She does a lot of art at the daycare she goes to twice a week but I'm certain she isn't being micro managed or instructed in her art there either. She learns very quickly so she's likely watching what the older kids are doing and also appears to be quite good at it. It's super fun to watch this interest (and talent!) unfold.