Winding Down...and Up

I slept in until noon today. It was a nice experience to open my eyes, look at the clock, and roll over and shut my eyes again with no guilt or anxiety about having to leap out of bed and be somewhere or do something. It's been a long time! We didn't get home until 3am though so noon doesn't seem quite as decadent as it usually is. Still a luxury though. I think baby liked the sleep in too. He or she is currently rolling around slowly and lazily while I type this. I think all the masses of food I've been eating have encouraged a growth spurt ;) I had great holiday this year - filled with good food, family and friends. And that's really more than I could hope for.

I'm finished with work completely now. It really hasn't sunk in yet that I will be off work for 15 whole months though. That just sounds like crazy talk at the moment.

And, I'm 39 weeks pregnant today. The 'official' due date is 1 week away. I'm having gentle, non rhythmic contractions a few times a day but nothing that seems to be going anywhere soon. I feel (surprisingly) patient about waiting but it is getting more and more difficult to move around and get comfortable. It will be easier now that the holidays are over and I can sleep whenever I want without a big list of things I need to do. People ask both of us "are you ready?" a lot. S and I were talking about that last night. It's hard to "be ready" for something that is so new and foreign to both of us. Physically, I'd say I'm ready. Emotionally, I dunno - can anyone really be ready for something as life changing as giving birth and becoming a mom to someone? I think, for me, "being ready" means being open. Having an open heart and an open mind to everything that will come my way. I am ready to love this baby.

Just about dodged it...

A cold that is. I have been pretty healthy this entire pregnancy - not a cold nor flu to speak of. I was stuffed up a few times but it never manifested into anything. In fact, I've been quite healthy all year. All that clean livin' I've been doing :P Unfortunately, I started feeling stuffed up and had a headache on Saturday. By early Sunday morning I was full on suffering with a head cold. Blech. My already low energy reserves are completely tapped out. I felt even worse last night and slept terribly. I had to take a sick day from work today which sucked because it's my last week and I need to get some stuff finished up. I'm still feeling pretty bad tonight but am tired and achy from laying down all day. Will see how I feel in the morning before I decide if I'm well enough to go to work or not.

Oh yeah, and I'm still very pregnant in case you were wondering. The baby is moving in large, sweeping movements now and since there isn't much more room in there, it's starting to feel really intense. Still, luckily, no pain. I'm still having braxton hicks contractions every day and have even had some more crampy type short contractions a few times. Maybe baby wants to be a Sagittarian after all? We aren't quite all set up for his/her arrival. We still have a few things to organize before we can blow up the birth pool and test it for leaks. I think we have most of the supplies we need for the home birth though. Still no curtains on the bedroom windows - that will be quite the show if we don't find at least a temporary solution soon huh? I still want to clean out the fridge this week as well. Oh, and we've invited about 30 people to a solstice party next weekend. *sigh* Yes, we're crazy.

Double booked

I had both a midwife and an acupuncture appointment today. I will be going to both weekly for the next little while...basically until the birth.

Early on and after carefully weighing our options, S and I decided that a home birth was the right choice for the type of experience we both wanted to have when this little one is born. Part of that decision was made because of how much we both liked our midwife team. A few months after making that decision, we received a letter in the mail informing us that one of our beloved midwifes was pregnant herself and due about 2 weeks after me. We already knew that they had planned on having another midwife join their team permanently but didn't think it would affect our plans. Now, with this news, we also learned that there would be a new midwife joining to take over during maternity leave. The kicker was that one starts in December and one starts in January. At first, it seemed like a real possibility that a midwife that we had never met could possibly show up at our door to deliver our baby. I, of course, burst into tears and proclaimed that "our plans are ruined!" Luckily, we have had the opportunity to meet both, I really like one of them and just met the other today. She is nice but is really new to midwifery....I know everyone has to learn sometime but it still makes me nervous. I also learned that she is on call on New Year's Eve - the next full moon when I'm predicting I'll go into labour. Hmmm. I'm a bit nervous. I'll wait and see how I feel in a week or so as I'm sure my feelings will change over time.

I was looking forward to my acupuncture appointment today as we started treatment for "cervical ripening." Unfortunately, my regular acupuncturist (I've been seeing her since before I was pregnant) was unable to make it. I said yes to a replacement and wasn't terribly happy. It wasn't unpleasant...just different. Quicker, rougher, not as relaxing.

So, two appointments, both new and different than what I was expecting. I guess I should get used to new and different, right?

No place for body image issues

I realized (ok, admitted - I realized some time ago) that I'm waddling these days. I sort of feel like I have a bowling ball between my legs (as someone recently described a similar feeling) and have weights strapped to my frontal section. I caught a glimpse of myself in a store front window yesterday and I was totally shocked at how HUGE I look! I had on several layers, including a large down jacket that I can no longer do up. I also got my hair cut very short on Saturday and had sunglasses on. S told me I looked like a bouncer at an Albertan lesbian bar (she said it, not me - I apologize for any offense taken by anyone from Alberta or anywhere else). Anyway, it has been interesting how much my body has changed...and will be changed forever by being pregnant. I have been fairly fit my entire life, on the "average" size and never overweight beyond 5 or so pounds (overweight as defined by me that is). Sometimes I would even get what some called "slim." I feel good and healthy at about 140 lbs as long as I'm fit. Having been pregnant twice last year, dealing with the emotional trauma of 2 miscarriages as well as the resulting hormonal changes really changed my body shape and weight. I found myself terrified to exercise or do anything strenuous in case it caused me to not get pregnant again or have yet another miscarriage. I also, for the first time in my life, suffered real depression. Not day in day out depression, but an underlying sadness that I had not experienced before. So, I put on weight. Quite a bit actually, more than I have ever put on in my life. Once I got pregnant again I was worried about getting bigger and how my self image would change even more. I find I actually love my pregnant body though. I love the curves and marks and changes that are all evidence that I'm creating life - that my body knows exactly what to do and is doing it. An amazing thing. Do I wish I were fitter when I got pregnant? Absolutely. I wish I had been in tip top shape coming into this pregnancy. But, I wasn't. I've accepted that along with truly falling in love with my (sometimes foreign looking) pregnant body. Next time I will respect my body more and give it the exercise and nurturing I know it craves.

Well, here I am 2 days shy of 36wks pregnant. 9 months. Up until a couple of years ago I didn't get the 40wks pregnant thing. I do now that I know it is calculated from the start of your last menstrual period - which tacks on that extra 4wks or so at the beginning.

Anyway, 36wks. Yep, here I am. I have slept really well the last 2 nights. And by that I mean I sleep for about an hour and a half to two hours at a time and I haven't been waking up with terrible muscle spasms in my back. I do, however, wedge myself inside a ring of 5 pillows. It was 4 pillows up until a week ago. Rolling over or getting up is often an amusing feat of wriggling around, grunting, pushing and puffing. I also informed S the other night that her future son or daughter has learned a new trick! Very clever this little one! He or she has learned to push and kick my bottom ribs on the right side! Yay! We're very proud. So far none of them hurt but it could just be a warm up. I'll keep you all updated.

I only have 9 days of work left! I am really looking forward to finishing up as my heart and head haven't really been in it for over a month now. However, I started feeling a bit weird this week when I realized that I won't see these people for over a year! That's the longest I've ever been out of work since I was 15 years old (except when I was at uni - which was a full time job in my opinion).

So, 36wks. 1 wk to 'full term.' 9 days of work left.

I'm REALLY excited!!!

Happy (early) Birthday To Me

I kept forgetting my birthday was coming up! Mind you, it takes a lot of coaxing for me to really celebrate my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an unselfish martyr by any means. I just sort of forget that it's my birthday every year and then get encouraged by S. to celebrate in some way - which usually turns out very nice. This year is the last birthday as a "non mom." I'm not sure if becoming a mom will change anything but you never know. I was born one day before my mom and we always celebrated our birthdays together so maybe it will be different. That's another reason birthdays are hard for me. They make me miss my mom a lot. She would have been a youthful 66 on Wednesday. I wish I could have seen her get old. I still feel like she was robbed of her "golden years." I especially wish she could have met her newest grandchild that is on the way. I will make sure this little one knows what a wonderful woman she was.

So, back to my birthday. I have the day off work and will have a "me" day. At this point that will likely mean sleeping in as much as I can (which is getting harder to do with my growing list of aches and pains), going for a chiropractor treatment, going out for lunch somewhere, shopping for a new book and a nap.

Smack Down

Ok, maybe the title is a bit over dramatic but something has definitely happened with my little passenger. He or she seems to be riding a bit low the last few days. Which is all perfectly normal I'm sure but is also not the most comfortable feeling in the world. Not painful, just uncomfortable. A woman who was due the same day as me had a healthy baby girl last Sunday. Nothing like reading that to inject a bit more reality into the situation. I doubt baby will come early but in case he or she does, I hope it's at least after Dec. 13 so I can still plan on a home birth. Our midwife team will not deliver at home before 37 weeks. I also hope the weather cooperates. Last year, they had to cancel all planned home births because of the snow. I won't freak out if we end up at the hospital but I'm really, really hoping for a home birth more and more as time goes by. Which reminds me, we need to blow up the pool and check for holes!

In other news, our self designed, over budget, glass pony wall is complete! It looks really amazing and we're both really happy with it. The railing was supposed to be completed today as well but it has been pushed until Monday (I knew I shouldn't have jinxed it in my last post). I'm off work today and hope to spend a few hours unpacking boxes and putting stuff away. Although it's so beautiful out today I would love to get out for awhile. Maybe if I turn off my computer I'll have time for both.

Mover & a Shaker

I love looking down at my belly and seeing it move and shake. It truly is one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced and I absolutely love it. The movements have changed from little kicks and wiggles to pushing and stretching and rolling around. As much as I want to meet him or her and as much as I can't wait for S to be able to share, I will miss this time I think. For all my complaining about being tired and achy - I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Being pregnant is pretty friggin' cool and amazing.

Speaking of time...the glass will be installed in our new wall on Thursday and stair railing on Friday! Holy crap. I'm almost afraid to write that down in case I jinx it. That would mean....drum roll please.....that the renos would be done! *crosses fingers* *says a silent prayer* *holds breath*

34 weeks!

What the heck happened to the last month?! I must stop saying that...or, more accurately, stop experiencing that! Baby will be "full term" in 3 weeks - but more likely to make an entrance in 6 weeks. 6 weeks!!??!! Less than 2 months. Wow. Are we ready?

Renos are done except for the new glass installed in our pony wall and the installation of the new handrail down the stairs. Both expected to be done in the next week or two (at the latest!). Upstairs is cleaned up and everything back in place. Picked up birthing pool (yay!). Had first prenatal with our doula on the weekend. Completed "Save That Child" St. John's emergency first aid course on the weekend (can you tell we're first time moms?).

Things on the "to do in the next 2 weeks" list:

• Pick up car seat
• Pick up home birth/water birth supplies
• Clean up den and put everything away
• Wash baby clothes/diapers and put away
  
• Clean out fridge and pantry
• Make roman shades for both bedrooms (this is a crazy one but I'm hoping I can actually find the time and energy to do it!)
• Exercise and sleep

Hmm that doesn't seem too bad now. The first time I wrote it down it seemed like so much. I'm guessing it's the same list but my mood is different when looking at it this time :)

Our doula predicted that I will go into labour on New Year's Eve. That would be awesome because I would love a Jan. 1 baby!

Tired. Always tired.

I'm really friggin tired. Like, REALLY tired. Like fall on your face, fall asleep at the wheel, drift off while sitting on the toilet tired. And all I seem to do is complain about it. "How are you?" people often ask me these days. "I'm doing really well. But I'm tired." Everyone assures me it's to be expected and I'm sure it is. But wow. I have not experienced this in my life...at least not for long periods of time.

But, I am actually doing really well! I'm excited and happy and a little in shock too. I still forget sometimes that there will actually be a baby in our lives in the next couple of months or so. And not just a baby...but a baby that will grow up!! It's all so very exciting. I have so many hopes and dreams and well wishes for this little one. I want him or her to have every possible chance at reaching their highest potential. In everything they do. It's a strange feeling to know that we will be completely responsible for this little human. I feel so honoured and so deeply, deeply grateful to have this opportunity.

30 1/2 weeks now.

The Final Stretch

I'm officially into the third trimester! Time is flying by even more now. It's very hard to believe that a baby will be part of our lives in about 3 months! We have most of what we need. We are waiting to pick up the car seat even though we already know what one we want. I think that's about all we are missing at this point. Oh, and we need to pick up the home birth supplies in the next couple of months - no huge rush on that.

The renos have been going on for a week now. The major work is done so the next week should be finishing up smaller jobs and getting the painting done. Yay!

Ready to go for Oct. 5

Renos officially start on Oct. 5! Very exciting. Contractor came by last Sunday and we had a good chat with him to discuss our concerns, ideas, etc. His explanations and ideas made us both feel better and I feel really positive about moving forward. It will be so nice to finally realize the vision we've had for our place!!

Home birth info night was great. I have already done a ton of research so we knew most of what was talked about but we both learned a few new things and it was cool being in a room with so many people excited about a home birth! The little one is kicking up a storm these days and I'm already so in love with him/her. I think it's a happy little one!! Unfortunately I'm at home today with a really sore back/muscles. I had some cramping type pain around my uterus this morning but I think it was just because of the strain on my back. It feels better now and I'm just kicking back and taking it easy today. So far, it's just what I needed!

Ready, Set, Reno!

That's reno as in renovation - not Reno the city. Although a vacation would be nice about now!! The contractor we've hired to finish off our renos just left and both S and I feel really good about the work we're getting done. I woke up at 3am last night (I actually wake up every 1-2 hours anyway but that's a different store) with anxiety about the work. I feel much better now.

I've never really been an emotional roller coaster kinda person but being pregnant has sure changed that! I feel really overwhelmed at times and mostly I don't even know why. It's an actual physical feeling that washes over me. It's very foreign to me. Other than that, the pregnancy has been going great (knock on wood). I'm 25 weeks today (just over 6 months!) and while I'm very tired and hungry a lot I mostly feel really good. Mild heartburn and swelling in my legs/ankles/feet is about as bad as it gets. It's getting harder to move around already though so I can't imagine doing some simple tasks in a month or so....like bending over to tie my shoes! I think I'll live in my slip on Blundstone boots this fall/winter.

We're off to a home birth info night tonight. Exciting!

It was the summer of 09.

Here I am again. I was going to start this post off by apologizing for not posting for many months. But I'm not really sorry so I'm not going to do that.

House update: We have a new Silestone countertop, a new sink and new faucet. It all looks great. We still have to get the backsplash done. Do you think we'll win any awards for the longest renos ever?? I think we may deserve it. S has been really busy with the house in North Van but it is looking like it's going to be done by next week! Very exciting.

Now that we have a little one on the way (due in early January...eep!) we must step things up on the homefront. We have some fairly major things we want to accomplish before October. Removing a pony wall and replacing it with glass panels, knocking out the wall under our stairs to create new storage options, new carpet downstairs and painting downstairs. Not too much to do right? Ummm have you been paying attention to how long it takes us to get stuff done?! *sigh* hopefully a baby will be a good motivator.

I'll be 4 months pregnant next Tuesday. I thought the time would pass by very slowly but it is actually going very quickly. I'm trying to enjoy every day and really savour being pregnant. Some days it is easier to do that than others. Some days I'm just so tired and achy that I just want to sleep all day. Other days I'm full of energy and emotion and want to 'get 'er done.'

I'm about 1/3 of the way through my current knitting project (fruit & veggie toys - minus the rattles). I've done an eggplant and a cucumber so far. Working on the banana right now. I've also sewn some pre-fold diapers and will be working on some pull on fleece covers next. I took a couple of books out of the library that are full of patterns for baby stuff and I have a whole list of things I'd like to make. I will likely prioritize them and just try and tackle some. We want to try and make as much as possible for the baby. I like the idea of re-using fabrics or materials and I also like the idea of creating something myself. Wish me luck!

Time is on my side

Wow, I have accomplished a whole ton of stuff in the past 6 months! I wrapped up a contract gig in January, I completed my MCBA and applied for and received a job reclassification from intermediate to senior. That was a whole lot of work and I'm really proud of myself for getting through it all and ending up with great results. I received the top grade in my MCBA class (toot toot).

Now I suddenly have my evenings and weekends back! I still have a few things going on but it's nice to have one or two nights a week that are completely wide open. If I want to laze on the couch and read, I do. If I want to go for a long walk, I do. And the stress of it all is gone too. What a difference in my state of mind! The acupuncture and chinese herbs seem to be doing wonders in that department as well.

I am off to southern California on Saturday for 9 days. Back for a few days, then off to Boston for another 9 days. I'm considering canceling Boston but I will see how I feel before I make a decision.