Country Girl

This past weekend, S, Baby and I decided to check out a  country fair. This particular country fair promised to have hay rides, horse shows, saddle sales, bake sales, and pony rides! This country fair was also only 20 minutes from downtown Vancouver!

This is the first year we've been to the fair as I had never actually heard of it before. Baby has been on a field trip to the Southlands Farm with the daycare group she goes to on Thursdays and Fridays but other than that we haven't really spent a lot of time in that area of the city.

The Southlands Country Fair is held in, you guessed it, Southlands. Southlands is a unique pocket in Vancouver that is chock a block full of million dollar home, sprawling estates and horses. There is a riding club and a farm to round things out. If you aren't lucky enough to pass by a trotting horse while driving through the neighbourhood the evidence of horses isn't hard to find on the roads.

We've been having amazing September weather and it was a very warm, sunny day so it was a perfect day for a fair. Baby loves animals and while she has met many real horses, she's never actually ridden one. She talked about "my pony" for 24 hours leading up to the event and was thrilled when the farm hand put her riding helmut on. She was a bit shy when first getting on the pony and wanted me to walk beside her but overall she seems to really enjoy it. Her pony was special apparently as it was the only one that had curly hair...just like Baby. It was a perfect match.

Talking About Death With a Toddler

This morning's conversation:

Baby: "My mom has really big earrings"
Me: "Yeah?"
Baby: "Yes. They have lots and lots of diamonds on them"
Me: *trying to figure out who 'mom' is*
Baby: "But they are at my mom's house"
Me: "Where does your mom live??"
Baby: *ignores my questions* "One day she gave them to me. Mommy's mom"

Ahhhhhh suddenly I get it. We had been looking at my watch while she was cuddled up on my lap before I left for work this morning. I told her that my mama had bought me the watch 11 years ago. She asked where my mama is and I tell her she's not alive anymore. She has also recently been extremely interested in looking at a photo of S and her mom that sits on the bookshelf. She seems convinced that she has met S's mom and that she knows her. (S's mom passed away in 2007.) As a result I've had to start having conversations about growing old and death. When I tell her someone is dead she usually asks why in a sad tone of voice. It's been a strange topic of conversation.

She obviously "gets" death in the most basic way - that it means someone isn't here anymore. But I'm not sure she gets that they aren't anywhere on earth. She asked me the other day in the car why people have to die. I explained that the cycle of life is that we're born, we live a happy, full life (hopefully) and then everyone dies. I think I compared it to the plant we have at home that grows flowers and then they die and then new flowers grow (this part may have been confusing...I was grasping for a simple example). I took care to emphasize that most people live a really long life and that death happens "a long time from now." That seemed to be good enough and she changed the subject.

I like and appreciate that she is asking these kinds of questions. I hope to never answer a question like this with "just because."  But it's hard. It forces me to really evaluate my own feelings on things. Big idea things. Or everyday things that I take for granted and don't give much thought to. Conversations like these are great opportunities. To learn, connect and dig deep into things. I feel like I would be missing out if I dismissed them. So, lesson #356, receive your toddlers millionth question as a gift. A gift of trust, confidence and respect.

Marches, parades and swimming...oh my!

As I sit here listening to the rain pelting the skylight and balcony my sun drenched weekend seems so far away!

Vancouver Dyke March 2012

It was pride weekend here in sunny Vancouver. This pride celebration was different for a few reasons. For the past 9 years I've either volunteered or been on the board for the Vancouver Dyke March (there may have been one year where I wasn't involved - my memory is a bit fuzzy.) For the first time I actually marched as a participant! It was good fun. The sun was hot, the crowd was pumped and bystanders cheered us on. We even got interviewed by Xtra West. We set up our blanket in a spot of shade where we could still hear the music and spent the next 3 hours catching up with friends and crowd watching. We then spent the night at home watching the fireworks - we're fortunate to be able to enjoy them from our balcony!

The next day we were up and out to the annual pride parade. This was also a different experience for me because for the past few years I've missed most or all of the parade. Baby napped through her first one back in 2010 and then again last year. This year I had every intention of being there early to scope out a spot on the curb...in the shade! As we left the house in 26 degree weather at 11:45 I was not feeling very hopeful. We parked our car at a friend's place and hurried down towards english bay. We decided to try a spot in a park along the parade route. We found a small tree shading a lovely spot slightly above the sidewalk on the route. We quickly laid out a couple of blankets (held a spot for some friends) and managed to sit down and enjoy the entire parade in the shade! Baby loved it and other than getting a bit wiggly near the end, she was completely hypnotized by it. I enjoyed it. I haven't enjoyed the parade that much for many, many years. We finished off the festivities with a picnic dinner and a swim at second beach pool. A perfect end to a hot, sweaty, thoroughly enjoyable day.

The main reason this pride weekend was different from the last two is that Baby was engaged and able to enjoy it. She loved the music and the wigs and the balloons. I loved watching her enjoy everything. I often found myself watching her watch the parade. Her eyes were wide open and she was just taking everything in. She once again reminded me to be completely present in the moment and see things with openness and curiosity.

Thanks for the reminder, Baby! And Happy Pride!

Balance

Work/life balance. Ah, the subject of many articles, discussions, blogs and workshops. But I've never actually read or attended anything on the subject. When I first thought about having children I assumed I would take the 12 months off that we are so lucky to have up here in Canada and then our little yearling would start full time daycare at a large center. That's what working parents do, right?

Imagine my surprise when we actually started trying to make a baby that my thoughts on the subject of work/stay at home mom/daycare would change. Drastically. It suddenly felt so completely unnatural for someone else to have such a huge role in raising OUR child. Couple this with the scarcity of quality childcare in our city and S and I found ourselves in quite a quandry. WE wanted to raise our child. WE wanted to be the most influential figures in our child's life. This wasn't coming from selfishness or arrogance...we just honestly feel like we're the best people to be caring for our child. I still feel that way.

We were fortunate enough that we did indeed care for Baby exclusively for her first 2 years. Now she also attends a wonderful, amazing small (5 kids max.) home childcare 2 days a week, S is home 2 days a week and I'm home 1 day a week. It feels like a really good set up. Our caregiver is truly an amazing woman and we're so, so grateful to have found her.

I do still have fantasies of Baby having a stay at home parent though. I don't feel guilty (anymore) that she is in someone else's care for 2 days a week but I still have niggling deep rooted feelings that I wish one of us could stay home full time.

So, why doesn't one of us stay home? Good question. We (un)fortunately live in one of the most amazing, expensive cities in North America. In fact, I think it is currently THE most expensive. Both of us were born and raised here so it's hard for us to imagine living anywhere else. The cost of us owning a home here requires us both to work. We also both enjoy our jobs and my job in particular is stable, flexible, provides great benefits and it pays well. It just doesn't seem to make sense to give it up. And as I mentioned, for the most part, I really enjoy it. However, having said all that, theoretically we could do the stay at home mom thing with a few modifications to our lifestyle. We could sell our expensive 5 minutes from downtown Vancouver townhouse and buy a bigger house out in the suburbs. This would not only give us more space but one of us (likely S) could stay home full time. I don't know. This is a tough decision for me...for our family...to make.

For now, we're content with our situation. And content feels ok for now.