Winding Down...and Up

I slept in until noon today. It was a nice experience to open my eyes, look at the clock, and roll over and shut my eyes again with no guilt or anxiety about having to leap out of bed and be somewhere or do something. It's been a long time! We didn't get home until 3am though so noon doesn't seem quite as decadent as it usually is. Still a luxury though. I think baby liked the sleep in too. He or she is currently rolling around slowly and lazily while I type this. I think all the masses of food I've been eating have encouraged a growth spurt ;) I had great holiday this year - filled with good food, family and friends. And that's really more than I could hope for.

I'm finished with work completely now. It really hasn't sunk in yet that I will be off work for 15 whole months though. That just sounds like crazy talk at the moment.

And, I'm 39 weeks pregnant today. The 'official' due date is 1 week away. I'm having gentle, non rhythmic contractions a few times a day but nothing that seems to be going anywhere soon. I feel (surprisingly) patient about waiting but it is getting more and more difficult to move around and get comfortable. It will be easier now that the holidays are over and I can sleep whenever I want without a big list of things I need to do. People ask both of us "are you ready?" a lot. S and I were talking about that last night. It's hard to "be ready" for something that is so new and foreign to both of us. Physically, I'd say I'm ready. Emotionally, I dunno - can anyone really be ready for something as life changing as giving birth and becoming a mom to someone? I think, for me, "being ready" means being open. Having an open heart and an open mind to everything that will come my way. I am ready to love this baby.

Just about dodged it...

A cold that is. I have been pretty healthy this entire pregnancy - not a cold nor flu to speak of. I was stuffed up a few times but it never manifested into anything. In fact, I've been quite healthy all year. All that clean livin' I've been doing :P Unfortunately, I started feeling stuffed up and had a headache on Saturday. By early Sunday morning I was full on suffering with a head cold. Blech. My already low energy reserves are completely tapped out. I felt even worse last night and slept terribly. I had to take a sick day from work today which sucked because it's my last week and I need to get some stuff finished up. I'm still feeling pretty bad tonight but am tired and achy from laying down all day. Will see how I feel in the morning before I decide if I'm well enough to go to work or not.

Oh yeah, and I'm still very pregnant in case you were wondering. The baby is moving in large, sweeping movements now and since there isn't much more room in there, it's starting to feel really intense. Still, luckily, no pain. I'm still having braxton hicks contractions every day and have even had some more crampy type short contractions a few times. Maybe baby wants to be a Sagittarian after all? We aren't quite all set up for his/her arrival. We still have a few things to organize before we can blow up the birth pool and test it for leaks. I think we have most of the supplies we need for the home birth though. Still no curtains on the bedroom windows - that will be quite the show if we don't find at least a temporary solution soon huh? I still want to clean out the fridge this week as well. Oh, and we've invited about 30 people to a solstice party next weekend. *sigh* Yes, we're crazy.

Double booked

I had both a midwife and an acupuncture appointment today. I will be going to both weekly for the next little while...basically until the birth.

Early on and after carefully weighing our options, S and I decided that a home birth was the right choice for the type of experience we both wanted to have when this little one is born. Part of that decision was made because of how much we both liked our midwife team. A few months after making that decision, we received a letter in the mail informing us that one of our beloved midwifes was pregnant herself and due about 2 weeks after me. We already knew that they had planned on having another midwife join their team permanently but didn't think it would affect our plans. Now, with this news, we also learned that there would be a new midwife joining to take over during maternity leave. The kicker was that one starts in December and one starts in January. At first, it seemed like a real possibility that a midwife that we had never met could possibly show up at our door to deliver our baby. I, of course, burst into tears and proclaimed that "our plans are ruined!" Luckily, we have had the opportunity to meet both, I really like one of them and just met the other today. She is nice but is really new to midwifery....I know everyone has to learn sometime but it still makes me nervous. I also learned that she is on call on New Year's Eve - the next full moon when I'm predicting I'll go into labour. Hmmm. I'm a bit nervous. I'll wait and see how I feel in a week or so as I'm sure my feelings will change over time.

I was looking forward to my acupuncture appointment today as we started treatment for "cervical ripening." Unfortunately, my regular acupuncturist (I've been seeing her since before I was pregnant) was unable to make it. I said yes to a replacement and wasn't terribly happy. It wasn't unpleasant...just different. Quicker, rougher, not as relaxing.

So, two appointments, both new and different than what I was expecting. I guess I should get used to new and different, right?

No place for body image issues

I realized (ok, admitted - I realized some time ago) that I'm waddling these days. I sort of feel like I have a bowling ball between my legs (as someone recently described a similar feeling) and have weights strapped to my frontal section. I caught a glimpse of myself in a store front window yesterday and I was totally shocked at how HUGE I look! I had on several layers, including a large down jacket that I can no longer do up. I also got my hair cut very short on Saturday and had sunglasses on. S told me I looked like a bouncer at an Albertan lesbian bar (she said it, not me - I apologize for any offense taken by anyone from Alberta or anywhere else). Anyway, it has been interesting how much my body has changed...and will be changed forever by being pregnant. I have been fairly fit my entire life, on the "average" size and never overweight beyond 5 or so pounds (overweight as defined by me that is). Sometimes I would even get what some called "slim." I feel good and healthy at about 140 lbs as long as I'm fit. Having been pregnant twice last year, dealing with the emotional trauma of 2 miscarriages as well as the resulting hormonal changes really changed my body shape and weight. I found myself terrified to exercise or do anything strenuous in case it caused me to not get pregnant again or have yet another miscarriage. I also, for the first time in my life, suffered real depression. Not day in day out depression, but an underlying sadness that I had not experienced before. So, I put on weight. Quite a bit actually, more than I have ever put on in my life. Once I got pregnant again I was worried about getting bigger and how my self image would change even more. I find I actually love my pregnant body though. I love the curves and marks and changes that are all evidence that I'm creating life - that my body knows exactly what to do and is doing it. An amazing thing. Do I wish I were fitter when I got pregnant? Absolutely. I wish I had been in tip top shape coming into this pregnancy. But, I wasn't. I've accepted that along with truly falling in love with my (sometimes foreign looking) pregnant body. Next time I will respect my body more and give it the exercise and nurturing I know it craves.

Well, here I am 2 days shy of 36wks pregnant. 9 months. Up until a couple of years ago I didn't get the 40wks pregnant thing. I do now that I know it is calculated from the start of your last menstrual period - which tacks on that extra 4wks or so at the beginning.

Anyway, 36wks. Yep, here I am. I have slept really well the last 2 nights. And by that I mean I sleep for about an hour and a half to two hours at a time and I haven't been waking up with terrible muscle spasms in my back. I do, however, wedge myself inside a ring of 5 pillows. It was 4 pillows up until a week ago. Rolling over or getting up is often an amusing feat of wriggling around, grunting, pushing and puffing. I also informed S the other night that her future son or daughter has learned a new trick! Very clever this little one! He or she has learned to push and kick my bottom ribs on the right side! Yay! We're very proud. So far none of them hurt but it could just be a warm up. I'll keep you all updated.

I only have 9 days of work left! I am really looking forward to finishing up as my heart and head haven't really been in it for over a month now. However, I started feeling a bit weird this week when I realized that I won't see these people for over a year! That's the longest I've ever been out of work since I was 15 years old (except when I was at uni - which was a full time job in my opinion).

So, 36wks. 1 wk to 'full term.' 9 days of work left.

I'm REALLY excited!!!